


Deep green forests

by thosepreciouswalls



Series: Wide grey universe [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Naruto
Genre: Anxiety, Character Development, Depression, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Needs A Hug, Friendship, Haruno Sakura Deserves Better, Hatake Kakashi Has Feelings, Hatake Kakashi Has Issues, Hatake Kakashi is Not Okay, Healing, Hermione Granger Has Issues, Hermione Granger is a Good Friend, Hurt/Comfort, Male-Female Friendship, Mental Health Issues, More tags to be added, Platonic Cuddling, Uzumaki Naruto Has Issues, burn-out, she just needs to realize it herself
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:42:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27781693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thosepreciouswalls/pseuds/thosepreciouswalls
Summary: Hermione means to argue, but she runs out of speed. Finds herself watching grey eyes and features concealed by black fabric. Three months apart, and she missed him like crazy at first, but it passed. She’d had her parents and Luna, Ginny and Harry, and the loneliness was mostly whispering to her late in the evening when the world was empty and silent. Then she got used to sleeping alone again. Buried the lose threads of conversations they never got to finish.And now he’s here, and Hermione expected that it would be a little weird at first. She didn’t expect all the moments she hasn’t missed him in the last months to hit her over the head now. Like a box in her mind spilling open, filling her chest and falling out of her mouth.
Relationships: Hermione Granger & Hatake Kakashi
Series: Wide grey universe [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1922683
Comments: 48
Kudos: 84





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Yay! Finally! I’ll shut up and let you get on with it, but if you’ll be so kind as to leave me a comment about what you think, I’ll be a very happy author. Lots of love!
> 
> PS: I chose to mark Scarecrow as finished, but I think I’ll use Sakura and Naruto’s POVs sometimes since I really like them, but we’ll see. Main focus will still be Hermione and Kakashi.

Hermione never understood the butterflies metaphor. Butterflies sounds like something for girls who are pretty criers and live in books and movies. Hermione never was a pretty crier, and for all that her life has had its fair share of action and drama she’s not a fictional heroine either. The fluttering in her stomach is nothing like butterflies, is more like bats throwing themselves around with careless grace and sharp turns. It presses against her chest uncomfortably.

Konoha is further south than she anticipated, and it’s warm outside. She should have packed shorts, maybe, but then again, she sees no one else wearing them so maybe not. For all she knows people here consider this weather cold, making her wonder how Kakashi reacted arriving in Iceland in wintertime. The huge wall surrounding the village provides shadow, however, and Hermione sticks to it as she waits.

Travelling through Japan with her parents has made her used to the many angles of the roofs, the colour schemes, the rich air, and the bustling streets. It has in no way prepared her for shinobi. She’s aware, of course, that Kakashi can run up walls and what not. Seeing it done for the first time however, casually and by several people without drawing an eye, is a whole lot different from knowing. Staring is rude, so she tries not to, but it’s very hard as ninja come and go through the gate at her side.

Under her shirt, Hermione feels the weight of the amulet against her chest. It was expensive, almost ridiculously so, but has already been worth it. Travelling is a lot easier when you can speak the language. As is explaining to the guards of a military village that you’d like to talk to their Hokage if that’s possible, and that yes, he does know her. They clearly didn’t believe the last part, but at least they waved someone over and sent them with a message. 

She should have gotten in touch. Only her parents’ plane had been rescheduled rather late, and she’d fully expected to have to wait until the original departure time for the boat, and Kakashi doesn’t have a phone. And it sounded fun in her head, for a weak moment, to show up out of the blue. Now, Hermione thinks he might be busy. This was probably a horrible idea. Being early can be considered just as rude as being late. All the bats in her stomach simultaneously do a 180, chasing the thought as if it’s food. Which it is to them, come to think about it.

The figure coming her way over the rooftops is unmistakable, even at a distance. Not the clothing, not here, but that hair shines like a beacon. A very grey, rather soft beacon.

Hermione can see the exact moment when Kakashi notices her. Despite the dry ground there isn’t a grain of dust visible as he lands in the open area. He doesn’t break his stride, doesn’t stumble or any such ridiculousness, but even with fifty feet between them Hermione catches it; the widening of his eyes, the smile beneath the mask. It takes no more than a second before he’s in front of her, and that’s all the time the bats need to settle.

Kakashi.

Merlin, she’s missed him.

Before leaving home, Hermione read the guidebook her parents had bought. It’s good she did, it is, but she also sort of regrets it. If she hadn’t, she’d have dared throw herself at Kakashi now. Public displays of affection are apparently frowned upon in Japan, however, and she can guess the same goes here. In retrospect that small parcel of information tells her a lot about her friend, and how weirded out he must have been sometimes.

“You’re early,” Kakashi points out, from only two feet away. His voice is dry, almost a drawl, but his eyes sparkle.

If he wasn’t famous, wasn’t _Hokage_ , the cultural views on PDAs could go to hell for all Hermione cares. But he is famous, and Hokage, and this village’s view of Kakashi is his whole life in more ways than is probably healthy. So Hermione smiles instead, jokes with the bats rustling to remind her they’re still there. “Or,” she says, “it’s you who’s late with the paperwork?” His companion’s – Sakura, Hermione guesses based on age and bubble-gum hair that twangs painful strings of memories – eyes widen. Respect to superiors is another thing here, Hermione has read, and she should have kept that in mind. Not that Kakashi’s her superior (yet). Not that he looks like he minds, but… they’re in public and she’s a new face.

“No,” Kakashi says, raising an eyebrow.

The bats stretch their wings, ready to take flight and wreak havoc. Hermione allows her response to be pure instinct. “Can’t blame a girl for trying,” she says. She’s still smiling, still happy, but also jittery. Wishes they were alone so she didn’t have to figure this whole dance out.

“If that was your best attempt, it’s embarrassing.” The tone is contradicted by the crow’s feet around Kakashi’s eyes.

Hermione means to argue, to say something along the lines of her being able to leave and come back in two days like they planned, but she runs out of speed. Finds herself watching grey eyes and features concealed by black fabric. Three months apart, and she’d missed him like crazy at first, but it passed. She’d had her parents and Luna, Ginny and Harry, and the loneliness was mostly whispering to her late in the evening when the world was empty and silent. Then she got used to sleeping alone again. Buried the lose threads of conversations they never got to finish.

And now he’s here, and Hermione expected that it would be a little weird at first. She didn’t expect all the moments she _hasn’t_ missed him in the last months to hit her over the head now. Like a box in her mind spilling open, filling her chest and falling out of her mouth.

“I’ve missed you,” she hears herself saying, and knows it’s true. She’s been fine, but the two are not mutually exclusive. At least not in retrospect. Fiddling with the top of her backpack, Hermione reminds herself these things probably aren’t meant to be said in public. Not in a place where people don’t hug in the streets. However Kakashi chooses to answer, it isn’t necessarily a reflection of his thoughts.

But by God, Hermione wants him to answer. The single second of silence that’s passed felt like an eternity.

“Yeah.” It’s an exhalation as much as it’s a spoken word, and Hermione watches the way it brings Kakashi’s shoulders down. Sees the twitch of his arms and knows what he’s thinking.

Is still surprised when he follows through.

The vest is bulkier than she remembers it, but maybe that’s a good thing. It adds a little distance, which sucks, frankly, but might also make it a little less of a transgression. Everything around her is new, and she’s freaking out a bit; can’t see how she’ll ever fit in here, in this strange new town where she’ll be spending a couple of months, where she doesn’t need more than a cursory glance to tell she’ll stick out worse than she did coming to Hogwarts. Kakashi smells like himself though. The rise and fall of his chest against hers are the same. Even through the vest.

Hermione wraps her arms around him and allows herself to think it might be alright after all. That is, until she looks up and sees the reactions of maybe-Sakura and the guards, as well as the random people milling about the place. And starts to giggle. Rather desperately, but hopefully they won’t catch that.

“Did you just throw me under the gossip-bus?” Hermione says into Kakashi’s shoulder before breaking away to watch him answer. He doesn’t even look apologetic.

“Maa,” he says, blinking and turning to the sky, “it was only a matter of time either way.” When he looks down there’s a grin that Hermione knows to watch out for cutting across his face. “I expect they’ll all know your name by nightfall.” Groaning seems like the only proper response, so Hermione does that. “Maybe it’ll teach you to call ahead next time,” Kakashi says, impassive in a way that Hermione translates as smugness. She hits him in the shoulder.

“Sure asshole,” she says, “as soon as you get a phone I can call ahead _to_.”

.oOo.

Kakashi slips his shoes off in the genkan and pads barefoot into the house. There are slippers, of course, a whole row of them that came with the house, but he never got into the habit and there’s tatami in most of the rooms anyway.

Had it been a choice, Kakashi thinks he’d have kept his apartment. He doesn’t like houses like this; old (or rebuilt as old, but same same) and traditional, all shoji screens and tatami and sparsely furnitured. It reminds him too much of the ancient clan house he grew up in. Of shame and death and mistakes. The Hokage residence has private quarters set off from the state rooms, allowing for a more lived in, modern space. It doesn’t erase the presence of the rest of the house.

The creme coloured couches in the living room was left behind by Tsunade, like most of the furniture. Kakashi hasn’t cared enough to change them. There’s enough decision-making needed without redecorating a house that isn’t his either way. Today however, an addition has been made to the living room; a living, breathing addition, stretched out on one of the couches fast asleep.

Kakashi pauses for a moment, just inside the sliding door. It’s not yet six o’clock in the evening, but Hermione has an ability to fall asleep that rivals seasoned Anbu operatives. Only less desperate and paranoid in the execution, and without the constant pressure of too little down-time. She looks cold, curled up under her jacket with her feet tucked between the cushions.

Having her here is unreal. Like so much in his life lately it sits a little to the side of what feels right. Kakashi doesn’t know how to do this. Any of it. Doesn’t know who he’s supposed to _be_. There’s Sharingan no Kakashi (only it’s Kakashi, no Sharingan anymore); elite ninja and Hokage. And he’s been getting back into that, slowly, has readjusted his reflexes and stopped wanting to reach out for his friends. The ache under his skin has been normalized. He’s stopped wanting to cry. Has learnt not to miss _her_ too horribly. To not wish for something that’s impossible.

And now this. The stinging loneliness is still there, nipping at his skin. Even now. Even with her right here, and Kakashi has no idea how to react. Wants to walk over, lay down next to her and fall asleep. Or cry. But he shouldn’t be sad, or lonely, or feel this lost, not now. He should be happy.

Only, what if things don’t go back to how they were between them? What if Hermione hates Konoha, and the Kakashi that belongs here? And worst of all; what about when she leaves again? _What then?_ Not that Kakashi can let that future promise of pain allow him to withdraw now. Not when Hermione came here, for him, and not with all the unfinished conversations between them.

There should be a throw blanket in one of the cupboards, and Kakashi backs out into the hallway to find it. He moves without sound, has already mapped out where the floorboards creak and what doors need lifting to not scrape. It’s not running, not when she’s cold, and if he stops for a moment to breathe that doesn’t mean anything.

Who bought the blanket is a mystery, because it’s not really Tsunade’s style; greyish purple with grey braided fringes, woollen and heavy for its size. Warm enough to excuse the rough texture. He brings it back to the living room and spreads it out over Hermione. She sighs, eyes fluttering open. Murmurs something that’s probably meant to be a greeting. It makes some of Kakashi’s panic fade away, and he settles on the thin strip of couch by her hips. Shifting, Hermione makes more room for him while folding her body around his back.

“What time is it?” she asks, rubbing her eyes and swiping hair from her face. 

“Almost six.” Kakashi quells the instinct to reach out, to rest a hand between her shoulder blades, pull her closer. Had it been three months ago, maybe he would have, but right now he’s not perfectly sure where they stand. Yet again, _had_ it been three months ago the impulse might have been less urgent in the first place. “I figured I’ll get dinner started soon,” he says, hands remaining in his lap. “Unless you’d rather go out?”

“Not really,” Hermione answers, and Kakashi’s grateful. “I’ll come help,” she continues, despite the way sleep still clings to her speech.

Part of Kakashi wants to let her fall back asleep, and most of him wants to join her. He’s tired. With the flak jacket, the heat against his back is dimmed, but he could take it off, snuggle down beside her. Forget about the world for a while. More importantly; forget about himself.

He doesn’t, brings Hermione to the kitchen instead and sets her on rinsing rise. The soft rattle of rise stirred in water, the tap running, and a sharp knife through crisp carrots are the only sounds to fill the silence for a while. Kakashi doesn’t know what to say, where to begin, and he hates it. Their silences aren’t supposed to feel tense and persistent.

“Should I start this straight away?” Hermione asks as she puts the bowl in the rice cooker, then turns it on at Kakashi’s affirmation. She cocks a hip against the counter next to it, one hand picking at the edge of the countertop. “This is weird, isn’t it?” she asks, voice muted.

“Yeah.” The word slips over Kakashi’s lips as a sigh. He hangs his head for a moment, feels the weight of it pulling at his cervical vertebra and the stiff muscles surrounding it.

“It’s like,” Hermione says, “you know me better than anyone, and in a way nothing’s changed, but also…” Looking over Kakashi sees her shoulders falling down from a shrug. She folds her lips into the facsimile of a smile. “I just guess I don’t know where to start. I mean, it’s been a while and I’ve got no clue what happened for most of it.”

Something in the lower part of Kakashi’s chest clench painfully. “I meant to write more,” he tells her, because he did, “only…”

“Only writing sort of sucks,” Hermione says when he fails to follow through. It draws a small smile to Kakashi’s lips.

“Yeah,” he agrees, then tries to explain at least a little bit of it. “Some things are better not to put on paper, but writing as if they didn’t happen would feel like a lie, and I…” Another unfinished sentence, ended in a shrug, and Kakashi can’t remember if it used to be this hard or if he’s simply out of practise.

“I don’t blame you.” Hermione shrugs back, the set of her shoulders loosening and fingers stilling. “For me, I think it was easier not missing you when we didn’t write so much, you know?”

Which, yes, Kakashi does know. He understands perfectly. Can’t make himself answer with more than a nod however. “So, what now?” he says instead. “Which end do we start from?” The easy smile he sees creeping over Hermione’s face is the real deal this time. It makes his shoulders hurt a little less, allows his feet to flatten properly against the floor, and it’s not until he feels the difference Kakashi realises how taut his body’s been.

“Well,” Hermione says, “talking about the weather feels a bit done, honestly, and I already told you about my trip, so, how about you? How have you been?”

And just like that, the tension is back. Or not back, exactly, it’s more like Kakashi is hit with its aftereffects; a heavy numbness tingling through his limbs. “I’ve managed,” he says. It’s not a lie, really, he’s here after all. Everyone’s alive. There’s no need to get caught up in the rest. Not now.

“Doesn’t sound so good.” Hermione’s eyes are on him, Kakashi can feel their burn as he turns to the pan and throws things inside to fry. He shrugs with the shoulder closest to Hermione. Who’s finally here, and Kakashi’s supposed to be happy, and he _is_ , or he can be, as long as he doesn’t think too much. As long as he stays away from his own life. “Could be worse,” he deflects. “What about you?”

Hermione doesn’t call him out on it and Kakashi doesn’t know whether to be grateful.

“I’m doing better,” she says. “I was scared for a while, as you know, but it’s not so bad now. Living with my parents gets a bit much after like two weeks, but I couldn’t make myself throw my tenant out early. Which really turned out for the better since she’s now staying for these three months as well and I don’t have to find a new one.”

“I remember you writing something about you and your mum driving each other mad?” Kakashi mentions. They’re alike in a lot of ways, Hermione and Jean, and the Grangers are loving and warm, but he’s heard enough to know it’s not uncomplicated.

“Yeah.” Hermione grimaces. “She just can’t accept sometimes that I’m a grownup now, and she keeps pushing her views on me. And you know,” she sighs, rubs a hand across her face, “I don’t need to be told life would be easier if I didn’t try to be in control of everything. Or about the failings of the magical world, and that it’s too bad I need to be part of it. Or how I should use this brain of mine in a real job. Or that I’m closing in on thirty and should hurry up and get a serious relationship or it will be too late for babies.” 

For a second, Kakashi can do nothing but blink in silence at the frying pan. Jean is outspoken, that much was clear within five minutes of meeting her, but doesn’t she know her daughter at all? “She said all of those things?” He asks, disbelieving.

“That and more.” Hermione crosses her arms over her chest and huffs out a frustrated breath. “Lets just say I’m happy to get some distance for a while.”

The topic of Hermione’s fall lasts them through dinner. Kakashi already knows the broad strokes of it – the therapy, the time spent with Luna, the lack of direction as she’s found herself back home and unemployed – but he takes time to ask after detail now. With her across the table it’s much easier to be invested in the conversation than it’s been when he’s penned it out and had to wait for an answer.

After she’s ensured that the guards surveilling the house is stationed on the roof, and as such unable to see through the windows, Hermione draws her wand and waves it at the dishes. Kakashi watches them march to the sink as it fills itself up. That he’s seen it before doesn’t make it less weird, or less practical. Amazing, really. Turning back, he finds Hermione studying him, lips caught between her teeth and hands hidden under the table. He raises an eyebrow in question.

“I, uh,” she starts, insecure in a way that makes Kakashi nervous, “I’ve been meaning to ask you; did I do anything wrong? Before, when I showed up? Because, you know, I don’t really know the cultural codes here, and I might be freaking out, a little bit, so I figured it’s better to just ask. And please be honest, and tell me what not to do or whatever, because I don’t want to come off as rude or crazy or whatever, or make you look bad or something.”

As she speaks, Kakashi’s worry settles into a genuine smile. He knows something about feeling completely out of place in a foreign culture; his and Hermione’s clashes are by definition different sides of the same coin. “You’ve got nothing to worry about,” he tells her.

“Really?” she asks, biting her lip. “I mean, I couldn’t read up on how things are here obviously, but my Japanese guidebook said people doesn’t hug in the streets, or touch very much, and that politeness was a thing. And I mean, I know this isn’t Japan, and things could be different, but it’s also sort of a military state and… I don’t know, I mean, I hit you, and I joke in a rather offensive way sometimes, and I don’t want to accidently undermine your authority, or come off as really horrid or something.” Her rants, Kakashi hears, hasn’t changed much. It’s comforting.

“I don’t know much about life in Japan,” he says slowly, “but here, you did nothing wrong.” He wants to drive this home, not only because shinobi in general can be sassy and have sharp tongues, but also because he can’t stand the thought of Hermione walking on eggshells around him. “People will show respect to their commanders, yes,” he continues, “but you do not serve under me.”

“Well…”

Kakashi cuts her off with a gesture. “Trust me,” he says. “It’s not the same.” He might have convinced her to take the job, to stay and do the revision he wants of the healthcare system, but she’s a civilian consultant. “As long as we’re not in work meetings, nothing in our friendship needs to change.” He thinks about that once more, then adds, “except for maybe hugging in public. Emotional expressions like that _can_ be handled in private, you know. Or you don’t, given what I’ve seen of your friends.”

“So, today?” Brown eyes locks onto Kakashi’s, and he feels unexpected insecurity like a vice around him. He hadn’t considered she might disapprove, but, of course. They’re not a couple. She doesn’t want any relationship like that, and maybe he makes her think…

“Sakura won’t be the only one assuming we’re a couple,” he says out loud before his mind can spin out of control. “But they were going to anyway, since you’re staying with me. I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable.” Hidden behind his mask he bites down on the inside of his cheek, feeling much like he’s done waiting for test evaluations regarding his future life as a shinobi.

“It’s alright,” Hermione says, and Kakashi eases the pressure before he draws blood. “Honestly, it’s… It’s not like I’m out to date, so, as long as you’re okay with it?”

“If I wasn’t, I wouldn’t have done it.” As much as it might paint her out as a target, it could also serve as a protection from anyone not actively wanting to get on Kakashi’s bad side. “Besides,” he adds, smiling easily now and making sure it reaches his eyes, “it might prove useful.”

“Useful?” Hermione rests her cheek against her hand, elbow propped on the table, and Kakashi can read her incredulity clearly.

“Well,” he says, keeping his voice dry and disinterested, “I doubt anyone will bullheadedly try to make me sleep with them the next time I’m at a bar if it’s commonly known I’m taken.”

Which is honestly a major advantage. Kakashi wouldn’t mind if he never again is subjected to some random woman pressing up against him, wetly mumbling in his ear only to accuse him of being boring when he disentangles himself. ‘But you’re a guy,’ he’s heard enough times for this life, ‘how can you not want to?’ As if bringing home a drunk stranger holds any kind of appeal. At least Genma has stopped harassing him about it. Sort of.

“Ouch,” Hermione says and makes a face. “I think you’re overestimating the common sense of drunk people though.” Her tone enhances the lightness of the conversation, and Kakashi feels himself settling. He knows how to do this. 

“Maa,” Kakashi agrees, “maybe. But it would give me a stronger case.”

“If it doesn’t help, I can always step in and protect you.” The grin Hermione fires off is sharp to the point of maniac. She _probably_ does that on purpose, Kakashi hopes. “I even own my own kunai now, what could go wrong?”

Swallowing down on his laughter, Kakashi raises an eyebrow. “With you wielding them against a drunk invasive kunoichi? Absolutely nothing.”

“I mean,” Hermione says, gesturing with her hands. “they might fall over laughing. That counts as a win for me, right?”

This time, Kakashi does laugh out loud.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy holidays everyone! Work’s been absolutely crazy lately, and January looks to be the same, but I’ve got some time off over the holidays for writing and managed to finish this. It’s tricky, this in between bit when you haven’t seen someone for a long time, but I think we’re getting there. At least they’ve started doing their own thing again, going against my plans, which I consider a good sign.

Hermione spends most of New Year’s Eve exploring Konoha with Kakashi strolling by her side. It’s impossible to believe the city was not just levelled with the ground, but a literal crater less than two years ago. Sure, the city’s a little rough-hewn, but she doesn’t get the feeling it was ever the posh and polished kind. The streets are mostly hardpacked dirt, the stones that withered down to it the same warm colour as the mountainside framing the village. Seen from the right angles the two mix together, the village smoothly transitioning into the nature around it.

Earth jutsus, Kakashi explains when she mentions it, drawing bedrock up and grinding it. Hermione would think it’d turn impractical in rain season, but then again, surfaces that allows water infiltration would be useful if they can be kept from getting muddy.

What gets her though, is not the roads, nor the unusual house design or the timeless feeling; it’s the greenery. Hidden in leaves indeed. “It’s crazy,” Hermione says, stopping briefly shaded by a large crown, resting her palm against rough bark and tilting her head back. “I mean I know about the guy with the wood, but I still can’t believe this tree is a year old.” It looks closer to a hundred.

“Maa,” Kakashi says, “Mokuton has it’s uses. I’m sure Tenzō can be tricked into demonstrating some of them once he’s back.” When Hermione looks down from the greenery Kakashi full-out smirks at her. “Although,” he says, “if you keep calling him ‘the guy with the wood’ I think the demonstration will be of battle applications rather than advanced gardening.”

Hermione blinks, confused for a moment. What… oh. Oh. “That not…” she sputters, feeling her face heat up “I…”

Kakashi laughs, carefree and easy, and whatever weirdness lay between them yesterday is clearly gone. “Come on,” he says, slinging an arm over her shoulders and steering her down the street, “lets go look at some more wood.” Driving an elbow hard into his side does absolutely no difference. Neither to his mood nor to his position at her side. “I think you’ll get along splendidly with Genma,” Kakashi tells her. “You both have your minds in the gutter and resort to violence at the slightest provocation.”

For some reason, meeting Kakashi’s friends sounds a lot less tempting all of a sudden.

.oOo.

If Hermione hadn’t showed up, Kakashi thinks he might have slept through the whole holiday. Or not, since sleeping’s been a bit tricky, but he definitely wouldn’t have been traipsing around Konoha on New Year’s Eve, nor visited the temple. In the end, he doesn’t mind the trade-off; it’s long since he had a day that good.

Seeing Hermione’s reactions was entertaining; small everyday things that Kakashi’s always taken for granted being questioned or tried out. Enough so to make it worth the pressing crowd of people around the temple at midnight and the eyes burning into the back of Kakashi’s head. Given his position they must know he notices, especially since most of them are awkwardly obvious about it. Not that that ever stopped anyone from staring at, or whispering about, him before.

Hermione was wholly unprepared when the first toll of the bell reverberated through what air could reach down into the crowds, and it made her twitch in confusion and Kakashi smile. She’d made a scrunched up, sceptical face at her first ever Takoyaki before deciding it was good. She kept pointing out things Kakashi has stopped seeing or never noticed in the first place. Before the lines wore even her bubbly excitement down, that was, and she started yawning more than she asked questions.

The first morning of not only the new year, but a whole new decade, should probably leave Kakashi with a sense of hope and promise. It mostly leaves him feeling tired and tense. Rolling out of bed, he grabs a fresh set of clothes and heads for the shower. Hermione’s still sleeping, but he’s reached the point of the morning where he either gets up straight away or never. Keeping the momentum of the last months seems like the thing to do. The world won’t stop for him.

Luckily, the water heater in the Hokage residence is sized for a large and comfortable household, and Kakashi runs the shower hot enough to sting his skin when he enters. He stays until it doesn’t register as more than slightly warm, and his back is flushed. It eases the dull throb from his shoulders somewhat.

“Morning,” Hermione greets as Kakashi walks into the kitchen. Her hair is all over the place, a worn sweater thrown over her pyjamas, and her fingers loosely framing a cup of tea. The look of her brings the sensation of a smile to Kakashi’s chest, a small, warm pocket of comfort. “I’d have gotten started on breakfast, but you have no normal breakfast foods, so I didn’t know what to do.”

“Depends on your definition of normal,” he tells her, folding his eyes into a visible smile, “if I never have to eat porridge or jam again, I’ll count myself lucky.”

“Bread?” Hermione asks. “Yoghurt? Eggs and bacon?” She rises when Kakashi pulls out rice, and takes the bag from his hands.

“Or food?” Kakashi counters, taking out eggs to fry and instant miso. Eggs _are_ good, but he wants some kind of carbohydrates with his protein, not more proteins swimming in their own fat. The worst part with living abroad for nine months was definitely the lack of breakfast. Which means he should bring Hermione by a convenience store so she can pick out what she wants for tomorrow. No need to spread the misery.

“I just don’t get waking earlier than necessary before work to cook rice and stuff.” Hermione turns the rice on, and despite not being in her line of sight Kakashi shrugs.

“There’s these things called timers,” he says, carefully keeping his smile out of his voice, “that allows you to set it up the night before to be done at a certain time.” Hermione makes a rude gesture that he pretends to not see.

The topic doesn’t last for much longer, and as Kakashi cracks the eggs down into the pan, Hermione is sitting at the table again, staring into space. “You slept any better tonight?” she asks as Kakashi scoops up rice, voice thoughtful but carrying easily over the sizzle from the pan.

And here Kakashi thought he was doing alright.

Delaying the answer won’t do him much good, but Kakashi still does it. Turns off the stove and lifts the eggs to rest on the rice. Brings the bowls and chopsticks to the table. Goes back for the miso. Pulls out his own chair and sits down. Hermione’s eyes don’t leave him for the entire time. “I don’t know,” he ends up saying. Because he really doesn’t. He didn’t think she’d pick up on it this quickly, has made himself lie still with his eyes closed as she’s fallen asleep.

“Are your shoulders bothering you?” Hermione says, pouring soy onto her egg. She’s letting him off easy. It didn’t use to be like that.

Not that he’s very sure about how it used to be. Or how it’s supposed to be. Or how she knows about his shoulders. Then he realizes he’s sitting with an elbow rested against the tabletop, hand on his shoulder absentmindedly pressing into a knot. Humming in agreement Kakashi lower his hand and grabs his book. “Who would have guessed deskwork is worse for the body than active service?” he says, shrugging. “And here I used to think the administrative forces were the ones not good enough to make it in the field.”

Hermione laughs, Kakashi smiles with her, the topic moves away from Kakashi. The weight lifts.

They’re meant to head out to one of the training grounds, giving Hermione a chance to see some actual jutsus. Kakashi’s looking forward to her face as he splits the ground wide open, lets lightning crackle in the air, allows beasts of water to rise from a calm lake. Despite her theoretical knowledge there’s still awe in Hermione’s eyes as she watches someone run across the rooftops. Until the attack on the beach, Kakashi knows she doubted his abilities to take on a group of Death Eaters. She’s got a lot to learn about shinobi, and is likely to look hilarious more than once on the way.

Only, as Kakashi exits the bathroom ready to go, Hermione is still in her pyjamas on the couch. “Come on,” she says, patting the floor in front of her.

It’s not something Kakashi considers standing up. Not with the way he’s beginning to notice the constant pull on his neck; the way his shoulders go up and forward as he tries to relax, not down and back. He wonders how long that’s been an issue, because he doubts it started yesterday. Maybe it’s not so strange then, that he keeps waking up in the night. That his breathing doesn’t sit right in his chest. That his skin feels numb and overly sensitive at the same time. 

The flak jacket and long sleeve both goes on the armrest of the couch, leaving Kakashi in his tank top. Even if it hadn’t been attached to his mask it would have stayed on, the fabric thin enough that it doesn’t matter much. It’s better that way, Hermione has an easier way working around the hems and creasing fabric than she has circumventing her own mind. Kakashi judging her for that would be both hypocritical and unconstructive, so since he figured the problem out, he’s adapted.

“I see you’re working on growing new bones,” Hermione says, her fingers mapping out Kakashi’s shoulders and the tension that lies there.

“There was actually a clan with a bloodline for that,” Kakashi tells her, forcing his body to relax as she finds a particularly tender spot. Anbu might have trained him for torture, but he’d rather not get into that mindset here. “They could grow spikes and weapons, shoot bullets made of bone, that sort of thing.”

“Did you ever meet any of them?” Hermione asks.

Kakashi shakes his head. “There’s very few who did and lived to tell anyone about it.”

Goosebumps spreads across Kakashi’s skin, but he holds back on the shiver. Hisses instead of groans as the heel of Hermione’s palms presses against locked muscles and knots substantial enough to send spikes of pain down his spine and out his arm with the indirect pressure. He didn’t know it was this bad. That the knots, once Hermione has loosened the muscles enough to seek them out, are enough to make him nauseous.

Before long, Kakashi can feel the more superficial ones shift under his skin. Hears the stutter in his own breath as they release. Endorphins rush through Kakashi when a deeper knot gives, and he draws air in dry sobs. Loses it in joyless laughter. Has so many emotions running through him apart from the pain that his head spins with them. Is this where he put it all then? Knotted into the fibres of his being, like an explosive tag to be triggered when he least expects it. 

It's been 36 hours and she's taken one look at him and seen everything no one else is able to. All the aching, painful sores that tangle up his lungs in anxiety. 36 hours, and Kakashi literally breaks into pieces under her carefully prodding hands. Or, maybe her touch is all that holds him together, he doesn't even know anymore. 

He shouldn't be this messed up. There's no room for him to be. Not here. Not now.

Gai's words keep echoing. “You’re the epitome of hip and cool,” he says, and it feels like Kakashi is right there again, a few weeks back in time and about to bite down on his tongue hard enough to taste blood. “You can make it through anything. Nothing can bring you down for long.”

It had felt like a bucket of ice-cold water was thrown unexpectedly at Kakashi. Only not at all. Because he’s spent years carefully cultivating that picture, hasn’t he? To everyone around, himself included, so it shouldn’t be unexpected at all. He’d thought though, that if anyone in Konoha should know the error of that statement, it’s Gai, and he clearly doesn’t, and Kakashi can’t, he just can’t – but he couldn’t refute it either. Folded his eyes into a smile before changing the subject.

He missed her in that moment, more than he could handle. Wanted someone to take one look at him and get it. Someone who wouldn’t tell him he’s strong for being able to soldier on. Who doesn’t expect him to Always Be Fine.

And now she’s here, and Kakashi can’t begin to know how to deal.

When Hermione tells him her fingers are tiring Kakashi would be grateful, if he didn’t feel completely washed out. His mask’s wet with tears, and he’s not sure when that happened. Realizes it’s still happening as he feels the tickle of another tear passing over his skin. If he wasn’t already seated, he thinks the emotional rollercoaster alone would have brought him to his knees. As much as he might have needed that, Kakashi’s still glad it’s over.

“Thank you,” he says, voice thick and painful around the lump in his throat.

Hermione’s hands don’t leave Kakashi’s shoulder. Soothes over leftover aches and abused skin. Allowing his head to fall forward won’t do any favours to Kakashi’s neck, but he can’t help it. The same way he can’t help but lean into the touch. It brings with it the heavy, unidentified calm that he associates solely with her. Eases the pressure over his chest and changes the shape of the mass in his throat. Makes him close his eyes and let his world boil down to that point of contact.

The crying, when it starts, is as tired as Kakashi himself; fresh tears falling from his eyes, nose blocking up, and a hitch to his breath that never makes it to full sobs. Hermione’s hands find the uncovered skin over Kakashi’s deltoids, curls around his upper arms and this time he can’t stop the shiver. Fresh goosebumps chase each other down Kakashi’s arms, and he thinks Hermione will spook, will read more into it than he feels. Given the way the way her touch follows his skin back to his shoulders – sneaks under the fabric of his tank top and comes to rest with fingertips against his collarbones and thumbs stroking the base of his neck – she’s not.

Sure, Hermione’s touched the bare skin of Kakashi’s back before. He used to take his shirt off altogether for massages, before it became clear it was an issue. This, however, is different. Not utilitarian but soft. Intimate. Hermione’s hands are warm, close to sticky from sweat, and the skin under her moving thumbs is hypersensitive enough that it almost hurts. Kakashi not sure what he’s meant to feel. If he should want something else, should cry more, should stop crying altogether, but he doesn’t. None of those things. He hasn’t been afraid of Hermione for quite some time, trusts her to not hurt him. Trusts that this doesn’t mean anything but comfort, that there’s no hidden agenda, only a reminder she’s right here. It thugs at a part of Kakashi that rests deep in his very core.

.oOo.

Hermione hadn’t exactly planned to do that. It’s just, in the moment she sort of forgot she wasn’t meant to. Kakashi had shivered, his skin soft even with the goosebumps, and she probably wasn’t meant to stray to his upper arms to start with, but he really needed to relax and she just… Well.

So, she hadn’t exactly planned it, and she’s sure she crossed _some_ kind of line because honestly; hands under clothes is a whole other matter than hand on clothes, or on exposed skin for that matter. It doesn’t feel like crossing a line, however. It mostly feels soft and warm. With a touch of anxiety tainting its edges since, by the looks of it, Kakashi’s well past his breaking point.

“Talk to me,” she says, voice hardy more than a whisper. It sounds more like begging than she’d intended but she’s in the dark here, in a foreign country she doesn’t understand, her only connection to this place falling into pieces, and she thinks that’s a decent excuse.

There’s a short silence, a hesitation, and Hermione worries their time apart has created more of a distance than she can bridge this easily. “I just don’t…” Kakashi swallows, brings the heels of his hands up to press against his eyes. “I’m not…” he shakes his head as his voice cracks. “I can’t do this; I don’t know how to be what they need. I don’t even know how to be me, and I’m tired. I’m so fucking tired.”

The first and last part doesn’t surprise Hermione one bit. He never wanted to be Hokage, she knows he doubts his suitability, and of course he’s tired. Burn-out doesn’t simply stop. It needs time, and a lot of accommodations made while you take baby steps to get back to your life. If Hermione knows Kakashi right, he hasn’t given himself the room for that. Nor made sure that the life he’s going back to is sustainable, even for a healthy person.

The middle part, the one where he said he doesn’t know who he is, is more disconcerting. Sort of. It’s also something Hermione knows how it feels; that weird place in between stages of your life. Like trying to figure out which world is yours, when neither the normal nor the magical one feels like it fits anymore. That’s a discussion for another time, however, given the way Kakashi’s voice faded over his last words. “So, sleep,” Hermione tells him. “Or at least lay down and rest if you can’t sleep.”

She thinks he’s about to protest, and makes sure to cut in before he can. “Honestly,” she says. “I get that things are complicated in a lot of ways, but maybe that can come later.”

Crossing his arms in front of him, Kakashi places his hands over Hermione’s, stopping her thumbs from moving. At first, she worries he wants to get rid of the contact, that she’s overstepped, but his hands remain, keeping hers in place. His skin must be getting oversensitive, making Hermione feel a little stupid and a lot grateful that he stopped her. She doesn’t know how to feel about the fact that he clearly appreciates the contact, nor the realization that she’d have a hard time keeping her fingers still without him holding them down. She wants to touch, to follow the line of his shoulder and the curve of his collarbone. Not for anything _but_ that. Not with any ulterior motive. It still scares her.

Under her hands, Kakashi’s shoulders moves as he draws a breath, slow and deep. “Okay,” he says, and Hermione has to go back and remind herself what he’s answering to. Yes, sleeping; that’s what she suggested. “I’m sorry,” Kakashi continues, a few seconds later, his fingers twitching against Hermione’s. She can feel her eyebrows twitch in confusion.

“What for?”

He shrugs. His voice, as he speaks, is muffled by his arms, tired and flat. “Being a mess,” he says. “Disrupting today’s plans.” Hermione can’t help a small smile and a shake of her head, no matter that he can’t see them.

“Are you kidding?” she uses her grip on his shoulder to shake him lightly. “I’ve been travelling for a fortnight, of which I’ve spent ten days translating for my parents. Going back to bed sounds like an amazing idea.” Not to mention she wants him close. Has _missed him_ , and the last two nights haven’t been enough to fill that void. He’s been tense and careful, though she hasn’t known of what or why, and it hasn’t been a problem exactly, but it’s been there. Existing in the space between them. Enough to make a small voice in the back of her mind whisper that something’s wrong. To have her wonder if it’s something she did. She knows now it wasn’t, and he’s loose and tired and Hermione wouldn’t mind drawing him close. “This is all a really elaborate plan to get my wish without admitting any weakness out loud, you know,” she tells him, keeping her tone light. “So, it’s nice of you to play along.” 

“I live to serve,” Kakashi answers. His voice is joking as well, following her lead, but the words sits wrong with Hermione either way. Puts a sharp taste in her mouth.

“Yeah,” she says, “we’ll see about that.” Pulling her hands loose, Hermione allows them to follow the shape of Kakashi’s shoulders and arms. His skin is cool, and she can feel the ink of his tattoo raised against the surface. Reaching his elbows, she breaks the contact. “Now, come on.” She taps his arms, urging him to stand, and he follows her lead.

Hermione’s unsure of who takes the initiative for the hug. Both of them maybe. Kakashi feels shaky, not as in that he trembles, but like a strong gust of wind could push him off his feet. It reminds Hermione of the airport, of saying goodbye. It sends a spike of panic through her system, because she has no idea how to deal with this. Not here. Not when she herself isn’t in the best shape of her life. She _will_ though, _they_ will, and it’ll work out. Kakashi will sleep for a few days, they will make a plan, and things will seem more hopeful. That’s how it has to be.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello depression my old friend…
> 
> This whole new wave of Covid with stricter distancing and stuff is currently a bit of a challenge for me. I just feel like I’ve lost all sense of direction, both in life and in writing this. I feel really lucky to have my work (done from home), which is the perfect level of demanding and distracting, and my boyfriend. Between them I stay sane, but understandably writing has suffered. Unfortunately, since writing actually makes me feel a lot better, but that’s the paradox of depression.
> 
> So, that lost sense of direction made it really hard to write parts of this. I have ideas for scenes in the future I hope I can get to happen, but I’m currently having difficulties tying it all together and finding my way through this new dynamic of them not having seen each other in a while (plus new people). I hope this will bridge some of that gap and open up for writing a few of the scenes and conversations I think needs to happen. I just don’t know.
> 
> On a whole other topic: I’ve been thinking about you guys for quite some time. I’m curious about you. Like, who the people behind the aliases are. I’m only active here and on fanfiction(dot)net, is there any forums or such that you hang out on, where the conversations aren’t necessarily centered around commenting works? I mean AO3 doesn’t even have a DM function, so it's hard both to keep track of people and to give proper answers to some things.

Naruto knows it’s probably bad manners to go knocking on Kakashi-sensei’s door uninvited, but he’s never had anyone teach him manners. Sure, he’s picked some of it up, mostly hand delivered by Sakura’s fist, but no one expects him to adhere to them more than some of the time. He was young when he figured out he’d never be able to do things right enough, and should just stop trying altogether and be obviously different. At least that saved him from the humiliation of failing to get it.

They’re only two days into the new year, and people are meant to spend the time with their families. Iruka’s got a shift at the mission desk though, and Naruto’s bored. Bored and curious, with a side order of sceptical. Because he’s heard, of course about Kakashi’s _girlfriend_. The one he met on his latest so-called mission, which he came home from different.

And sure, Naruto can see Kakashi’s point of him maybe not doing great before he left, but he was clearly doing better. He had gone away, and something had happened there, and he’d come home with a listless darkness Naruto hasn’t seen in him before. Talking, sometimes, about a friend. Who probably is this girl with a very strange name Naruto can’t remember, and who definitely had something to do with it all. Naruto just needs to figure out exactly what. He cares about his friends, okay, and Kakashi’s… in a weird place right now.

Not to mention Naruto could really go for a spar. He hopes Kakashi-sensei isn’t the kind of person to go all boring when they meet someone. Like Kiba, who’s been a total looser lately.

Bouncing on the balls of his feet, Naruto waits for someone to answer. Kakashi might not be in at all, and while it _has_ crossed Naruto’s mind that he could check with sage mode, he’s discarded that idea. For now. Which is good, since that’s when the door opens.

“Hi?” The woman who looks at Naruto smiles, but it’s the polite, emotionless kind. He smiles right back, making sure it’s big and bright.

“Hello,” he says, “I’m Uzumaki Naruto and I’m here to see if Kakashi-sensei wanna spar.”

There used to be a time when people’s faces scrunched up hearing Naruto’s name, right before they got rude, but he gets the opposite reaction now. The eyes in front of him softens, and the smile warms. “Nice to finally meet you Naruto,” the stranger says. “I’m Granger Hermione.”

“That’s a really weird name,” Naruto tells her. If she doesn’t care about all the rules about being polite, surely he doesn’t have to. And her name _is_ weird. Hermione doesn’t seem to take offence, however, but merely smiles.

“I know,” she says. “I’m not from around here, it’s okay if you don’t remember it.”

“I’ll totally get it,” Naruto can’t help but tell her. A challenge is a challenge after all, and she is living with Kakashi-sensei so he better make an effort. “Herumione?” he tries, and she laughs. Not in a mean way.

“Hermione,” she corrects him.

“Hermione?” Naruto tries, tongue stumbling over the weird sound in the middle. When she nods, he says it again, nodding as well. “Hermione. See, I told you I’d get it.” He gives her a nice guy pose, and she laughs. Naruto thinks he might have been unfairly suspicious of her; she seems alright. “Great,” Naruto says, “now where’s Kakashi-sensei?”

The smile on Hermione’s face turns a little crooked, not a lot, but enough to be noticed. “Um,” she says, and Naruto’s feels his eyes narrow before he smooths out his face. “He just stepped into the shower. If you wait here, I’ll go see if he’s done.”

She’s a horrible liar. It feels very unfair now, that Naruto had started to like her a few seconds ago; she’s definitely up to something, and it definitely has to do with Kakashi-sensei. Telling her that he sees through her would be stupid, however, so Naruto smiles instead. “Absolutely,” he says, adding a salute and a wide grin.

The door closes behind Hermione, and he gives her five seconds. Decides ten is better since Sakura says she’s civilian and they can be rather slow. Then Naruto carefully opens the door and slips inside, catching Hermione’s back disappearing around a corner. No way is he leaving Kakashi with her, not when she’s so obviously fishy.

To take off his shoes in the genkan is an automatic reaction, leaving Naruto hoping he won’t have to get away in a hurry. He still does it, because he’s already sneaking into Kakashi-sensei’s home uninvited, and doing so with shoes on feels like one step too far. There’s unease curling in Naruto’s stomach as he silently makes his way into the house, making Kurama shift restlessly. This can go wrong in many ways, Naruto knows, and Kakashi might kick his ass for it, but it’s necessary. It is. Hermione’s got something to do with Kakashi coming back sick, and now she’s here, lying about where Kakashi is, and Naruto has to know. He has to.

Voices are coming from the living room, low and murmured. It’s impossible to pick out the words, even standing next to the door, but one of them is Kakashi-sensei. He sounds… odd, in some way Naruto can’t pinpoint. A careful peak around the edge of the doorframe shows Hermione squatting with her back to Naruto. Kakashi sits in front of her on a couch, elbows on knees and head hanging low enough that only hair can be seen. Hermione’s fingers rests lightly against his wrists. A blanket is pooled by his hip.

The unease in Naruto twists and shifts shape.

“It’s not a choice,” Naruto hears Kakashi saying, his voice muted and tired.

“Yes, it is,” Hermione answers, but Naruto has no baseline for her, can’t begin to tell what’s in her voice. It simultaneously makes him want to rush in and get between her and Kakashi, and turn around and leave. “You are making the choice to keep hurting yourself,” Hermione continues. “Seriously, how long do you think this can go on?”

Naruto feels frozen. He isn’t, he blinks and breathes just fine, but he can’t move. Should – because he’s suddenly very sure he’s not meant to be here – but can’t. Or doesn’t dare to, when his body feels foreign and he’s not certain he can withdraw silently enough. What is she saying, exactly? 

“As long as it has to,” Kakashi-sensei answers, unaware that Naruto isn’t finished processing the last part of the conversation yet and as such only dimly registers the words.

“You know that’s a lie. You ran yourself into the ground a long time ago, and then you kept on going. You’ve got to stop. Before you kill yourself, okay?”

Naruto’s brain is stalling. Kill himself. Shit. _What is she saying, exactly?_

“What if I can’t?”

Naruto misses the beginning of Hermione’s answer before he manages to focus back on the conversation. “I’d have turned him away already,” she’s saying, and Naruto wonders who she’s talking about, “but he wasn’t looking like he’d take a no from me. I’ll figure something out though.”

Ah, the him in question is Naruto then. He should really get going. Kakashi’s sick, apparently, more than he let on, and he might die, and here Naruto is, naively planning on dragging Kakashi to train with him. Only Kakashi said… and…

“Hey,” Hermione’s voice breaks through Naruto’s spinning thoughts. She’s not speaking to him, but for a split second it feels like it, and it drags his eyes back to the pair. “It’ll…” she trails off as Kakashi’s eyes slid right past her as he looks up.

The panic is enough to stir Kurama, who usually sleeps and sleeps and sleeps. Naruto can feel his questions somewhere in the back of his mind, but ignores him. He should run, definitely, but finds he can’t. Not that it will change the fact that he’s been caught.

Kakashi-sensei should be angry, but he doesn’t look it. He mostly looks resigned, and sad.

For some reason that’s far scarier.

“I guess you’ve been standing there awhile?” Kakashi says, voice flat, and Naruto can feel his face heat up.

Naruto makes an inarticulate sound, his heartbeat so high up in his throat he might choke on it. “Maybe?” he manages, then keeps going while he can. “I didn’t mean to. She was weird, you know, and lying, and I had to make sure you were okay. Which, um…” Naruto scratches his cheek. “Anyways, I’m sorry.”

“I bet you are.” By the sound of it Kakashi-sensei knows Naruto is sorry in several different ways. Like, he’s sorry he’s spying, and he’s sorry he was caught doing it, and that Kakashi is not okay, and that he has no idea what to do now.

Hermione is looking between them, and Kakashi bows his head down and presses his palms against his eyes. The way his chest expands with a drawn breath is familiarly long-suffering. Only Naruto isn’t sure that the ‘long’ part applies. Not the ‘suffering’ part, actually. Reading anything but the top layer of Kakashi-sensei has always been close to impossible; him not acting like himself isn’t helping with that. Something’s going on here, Naruto just doesn’t know what. He won’t back down now though, not when Kakashi is acting all weird and Hermione sits far too close to him for someone Naruto doesn’t trust.

“Did something happen?” Naruto asks, because it’s a reasonable place to start. He sticks to the doorway, swallows down his nerves and meets Kakashi’s eyes head on when the man looks up again.

“Not really.” Kakashi shrugs, his voice still too flat, before his gaze shifts to Hermione. 

“What then?” Naruto questions. It’s a bit too blunt, and both louder and sharper than necessary, but Naruto never could keep his emotions from his voice. “Because she just said…” Naruto’s tongue stops cooperating. “She said you…” He twists the words around in his head, finds he can’t make his lips form the word ‘killing’, but that’s not the only thing she mentioned. “That you’re hurting yourself.”

“That she did.”

Staring Kakashi down isn’t working, no more words follow. “Well,” Naruto says, not even sure if he’s challenging or begging for an answer, “are you?”

The way Kakashi turns away, showing Naruto nothing but his profile and Hermione the back of his head, sort of answers for him. As does the hand Hermione places on Kakashi’s arm. “Probably,” he says. The word feels like a void, like the mask covering Kakashi’s face washed every emotion out of it. Like it sucks the energy right out of Naruto.

“How?” Naruto hears the question slip out, only to realize it’s not even the right one. “Why?”

Hermione’s thumb rubs against Kakashi’s arm, and he turns back to the conversation. “I’ve got a job to do.” He shrugs, as if that explains anything. Naruto’s about to point this out when Kakashi looks at him, no doubt reading the question on his face. “It’s complicated,” Kakashi adds. Next to him, Hermione scoffs.

“It’s really not,” she says, her tone softer than her words. Kakashi deflates a full two centimetres and her focus turn solely to him. “I know you can’t step down,” she says, “I’m not asking you to, but you’ve got nothing to prove either, do you? We just need to figure out the least amount of work you can get away with.”

There are holes the size of Suna in Naruto’s understanding of the situation. Several of them. That doesn’t stop him from reaching a decision. “I can help,” he tells Kakashi (mostly; Hermione’s still an unknown factor). “I mean I have no idea what you’re talking about, but I’m sure I can help. Definitely.” He won’t take no for an answer. He’s not opting out of whatever this is and leaving Kakashi with Hermione. Not a chance.

The resistance Naruto expects doesn’t come. “I think maybe you can,” Hermione says instead. She probably has some kind of angle Naruto can’t see, but at least she’s not throwing him out. Kakashi sighs but doesn’t protest. He should. If everything was right, he _would_.

Hermione and Kakashi look at each other. Hermione cocks her head and Kakashi’s eyebrows twitch. Naruto wonders if they’re as confused by the exchange as he is. “We haven’t had lunch,” Hermione says, “and it’s getting late. I could go get take-away?”

“Couldn’t hurt,” Kakashi says. Which is weird, but far from the weirdest part of this day. “You want lunch, Naruto?”

What is he even meant to answer to that? How did they go from Kakashi hurting himself to this question with nothing in between? Naruto shrugs. “Sure,” he ends up saying. He could eat, after all, and they’re less likely to make him leave if they’ve bought him food.

A minute later, Naruto stands a step inside the living room door, shifting his weight from foot to foot, listening to Hermione leaving. On the couch, Kakashi has leaned back, arms crossed in front of him. As the front door closes, he raises an eyebrow at Naruto. If he wasn’t so restless, Naruto’d take a seat on the couch opposite him. Although, come to think about it, sitting down might be a good idea. It might make him come off as less confrontational, or whatever.

None of them speaks for the longest of time. Naruto’s leg itches and he can’t stop bouncing it. “You are wasting your time,” Kakashi says in the end. He’s meant to be intimidating, in situations like this, but isn’t. Neither is there a trace of his peculiar, dry humour. No lazy impassiveness. Not even a hint of sass. And it’s all wrong.

Depression is emptiness, Kakashi told Naruto, not too long ago, and maybe that’s what Naruto’s seeing here: Weary listlessness. It scares him. Has his heart back in his throat again. Makes him run his tongue over the inside of his teeth to keep it from showing. Kakashi-sensei isn’t supposed to be like this, he’s supposed to be a steady one and Naruto doesn’t know how to fix him.

“Wasting my time to what?” Naruto stalls. The question gets no answer beyond another raised eyebrow, and that’s really all it deserves. Naruto might be a little slow on the uptake, but by now he’s figured the earlier exchange out. He knows what he’s supposed to do with this time, the problem is he doesn’t know _how_.

Diving straight into it seems like a fair strategy at this point. “Who is she?” He plucks at the hem of his jacket. Doesn’t quite dare to look Kakashi in the eyes.

“A very good friend.” Naruto can’t remember ever disliking the mask like he does in that moment. It hides everything but the most subtle things and Naruto was never any good at subtility.

“Sakura said she’s your girlfriend,” Naruto points out, and he thinks it ears him a reaction. A hint of a smile possibly, or a frown.

“What Sakura said hardly changes things,” Kakashi says. Which is true, even is Sakura’s usually good at these things.

There is a point to this conversation, however, and Naruto intends to make it. He’s far out already that another ten kilometres or so won’t matter, he’s equally screwed either way. “What did she do?” he asks, knowing it’s far too blunt but at least it’ll get him where he wants.

“You’re worried about Hermione.” Kakashi’s tone doesn’t put a question mark at the end. “Hurting me.” Naruto knows he’s doing it to make it seem like he’s the one in charge of the conversation, to draw out more information. That doesn’t mean it’s not working.

“She’s been here, what, three days?” Naruto says. “And you’re—” he waves his hand in Kakashi’s direction. It’s not like he can tell it like he sees it.

“You’ve got it backwards.”

“Yeah? ‘Cause it doesn’t look that way to me.” Naruto’s getting frustrated, making him find his words easier. If they’re the right ones remain to see, but at least this time there’s a reaction. Kakashi leans forward, elbows on knees again, hands clasped in front of him. His eyes sharpen, and the set of his jaw is visible through the mask.

For a few second, Kakashi does nothing but stare, and Naruto worries he made him angry. Then he sighs, so maybe not. When Kakashi finally speaks, his voice is more alive than it’s been since he noticed Naruto. “You’re thinking I was fine when I left, a year ago, and that I’d changed coming home?” This time he does bother making it into a question, completed with a tilt of his head. Naruto opens his mouth to answer, only to find nothing coming out. He closes it again. “For the worse, by the sound of it. And now you’re seeing that she’s showed up, and I’m falling into pieces, but did you ever stop to consider why? Or did you simply go with the easiest explanation?”

It’s warm in here, Naruto thinks, and he’s sure his face is beet red. He should answer, but his mind is stuck on the way Kakashi said ‘for the worse’ and he has a bit of trouble focusing beyond that. “I…” Naruto starts, then finds no continuation. It’s not really for the worse, is it? Sure, it’s scary, and it’s making things Naruto thought he knew about the world untrue, but also…

This is also the Kakashi who stayed, solid and safe at Naruto’s side even in the middle of the storm. Who offered to be there next time. That’s not something Naruto would ever have thought would happen. Not before.

Kakashi looks away when Naruto fails to say anything more. “A week ago,” Kakashi says, voice soft, distant, yet not at all in the flat way of before, “who would have picked me up?” For a second, Kakashi’s eyes meet Naruto’s before looking away again. “I’m not saying you wouldn’t have tried, but…” he finishes the sentence with a shrug.

Naruto might not be the most intelligent or perceptive person around; he came to terms with that a long time ago. (A shorter time ago he learnt that he can more than make up for it in other areas, that he can contribute in other ways that are equally important; that he’s not a complete failure.) Not being very smart, however, doesn’t mean that he’s completely stupid. He just takes a little longer to piece things together sometimes.

“But I’d have no idea what to do,” he tells Kakashi. That’s the way it is after all. He’s uncomfortable even with this. It must show. And if Kakashi implies that no one else would have done a better job, Naruto believes him. Kakashi hadn’t been uncomfortable when he sat with Naruto on the floor that day. Hasn’t tiptoed around Naruto since, either.

“You might have figured it out,” Kakashi says, “but it’s not a position I wanted for either of us.” He runs a hand through his hair. “Hermione…”

“She knows,” Naruto cuts him off. Because he gets it now. Kakashi has learnt from somewhere, and it must have been from her. What Naruto couldn’t interpret in their interaction before is easier to spot in hindsight and with what he knows now. Hermione’s lack of hesitation, her composure, the way she touched Kakashi. His response.

“I owe her,” Kakashi says. “A lot.”

The words make Naruto wonder. Maybe he owes Hermione as well; maybe most of Konoha does. Kakashi’s not saying he wouldn’t be here without her, but Naruto does know how to look underneath the underneath. Sometimes. He’s not ashamed to have mistrusted Hermione, he’s not saying he’s prepared to lay his life in her hands just yet, but he should give her a chance. Kakashi’s never led Naruto astray before after all.

.oOo.

Yesterday’s leftovers sat in the fridge, ready to become a decent lunch, when Hermione offered to go out and get take-away. She knew they were there, Kakashi knew they were there, but Naruto didn’t, and given the way he’d almost exclusively talked to Kakashi since they found him, it wasn’t hard to piece his mistrust together. Hermione should probably be angry at both that and the trespassing, but she can’t find the energy. So, instead she’d offered Kakashi the possibility to talk alone with Naruto, and then excused herself.

She regrets now she never asked what either of them wants.

Stepping into the closest open place she can find, she scans the menu, trying to figure out what’s available. She understands the language, sure, but that doesn’t mean she knows what any of these things taste like. A teenager is behind the counter, and Hermione lets her help pick three dishes that aren’t too spicy. She’ll eat whatever the others don’t, it can taste however it wants to.

The whole outing doesn’t take more than fifteen, maybe twenty, minutes, but Hermione decides that’ll have to be enough. She’s hungry, and a bit worried about the whole affair, and very tired. She’s not sure where she’s going to find the energy for any of this, only that she must. She must, because Kakashi’s way, way worse off than she is, and there’s no one else who can help. If she can get them through this part, get things back on track again without losing her own foothold, it’ll be fine. Maybe.

That is, if this is only tiredness; a temporary setback of the burnout that can be rested away. Because if it isn’t? If this runs deeper and is more complicated, twisted together with everything else she knows about Kakashi’s life? Then Hermione has no idea what to do. For all that mental illness doesn’t scare her; for all that she knows how it can feel and some of the things someone might need; for all that she can be a support; she’s not a professional. She hasn’t had any training. Can’t counsel or guide. Has no idea how to diagnose, or where to go from there. The only thing she has is her personal opinions, and if (or when) this turns out to be complicated, that won’t be enough.

If she thinks too much about that, she’ll freak out, so she focuses on the practical problem instead: He needs to rest. That needs to come first. Anything remaining after that is an issue for future Hermione. What matters now is to somehow get Kakashi to agree, and then figure out how to make it happen. All that’s needed is a practical plan of action.

Plans of action don’t spring to life of their own, however, and Hermione knows next to nothing about being Hokage and the cultural aspects around that. It’s not too bad then, that Naruto decided to barge in an offer to help, or that she finds out that he’s decided Sakura should be called in as well.

“I still have questions,” Naruto says as they’ve settled around the kitchen table, takeout containers spread between them. Had Hermione known Sakura would be coming she’d have gotten more food.

“ _You_ have questions?” Sakura glares at Naruto. “ _I_ have questions. Like, what’s even going on?” Naruto slides his food her way, but she shakes her head. “It’s two o’clock,” she points out, “I’ve already eaten. Anyway, you can’t just send a clone, say it’s urgent, and then have it dispel itself. I thought someone was dying, and I come here, and you’re in the middle of lunch.”

“Well, that’s the thing,” Naruto says, stabbing his chopsticks in Sakura’s direction. “She,” he points to Hermione, “said he,” then over to Kakashi, “is killing himself.”

The silence that settles over the table is broken only by Kakashi’s sigh as he places an elbow on the table, leaning with his forehead pressed against thumb and index finger. Sakura’s sitting perfectly still, watching him with wide eyes. “What?” she says, and Hermione doesn’t know if it’s threatening or concerned. Kakashi’s students both seem a little volatile, to be honest. Hermione hasn’t quite figured them out yet.

“For the record,” Kakashi says, “that’s not what she said. Although I guess when you’re trespassing and listening in on other people’s private conversations it’s easy to misinterpret them.” Naruto squirms in his seat, jaw clenched, and cheeks tinged pink. Hermione catches Sakura giving him an unimpressed look before she turns back to Kakashi. There’s a small wrinkle between her eyebrows.

“You admitted to hurting yourself,” Naruto says, crossing his arms, “and I heard her say something about you going to kill yourself. I know I did.”

Kakashi pivots around the fingers on his forehead to look at Hermione. He raises an eyebrow. “What?” she asks.

“Since you got me into this mess, I’m thinking it’s your job to get me out of it.” There’s a drop of dry humour in his impassive voice, and if they’d been alone Hermione would have thrown her balled up napkin on him.

“That’s how you’re going to play this?” she says, but she can’t help smiling. Part of her is touched by the show of trust. “How in the world did you manage before I showed up?”

“I have a feeling you’re about to explain that I didn’t.” Kakashi raises an eyebrow at her, and Hermione feels it’s completely justified to let the napkin fly. He ducks out of its path easily, but Hermione catches his smile. 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Hermione says, and turns to Sakura and Naruto. “Naruto, when I said he’s hurting himself, and that he’ll end up killing himself, I didn’t mean it quite like I think you heard it, okay? It’s just…” Hermione rubs at her chin, trying to figure out where to start. Without knowing anything about them it’s close to impossible. “Okay,” she decides, “let’s begin in this end: What do you know about the long-term effects of stress?”

”Some things,” Sakura says, “but it’s not really my field.” Hermione nods. Naruto’s arms remain across his chest, but some of his blatant stubbornness is blanked out. By his look, Hermione’s focus will have to be on explaining the basics to Naruto, and hopefully Sakura won’t argue too much.

“You know what adrenaline is, Naruto?” Hermione asks.

“Eh?” Naruto’s nose scrunches up. “Maybe?”

Not diving straight into the workings of the autonomic nervous system was the right choice then. “It’s alright if you don’t,” Hermione tells Naruto, “just say so, so I’ll know what to explain.”

“Not really then.” Looking away, Naruto press his lips together. It reminds Hermione of Harry, admitting to not having done his homework.

“It’s a hormone,” Hermione says, “a thing our body makes in high stress situations. It makes you ready to fight or run; speeds up your heart, increases blood flow, tenses your muscles. Even widens your pupils and heighten your senses. It can feel like a rush.”

“You learnt this at the academy,” Sakura cuts in. She sighs. “Or, you were supposed to, at least.”

Naruto shrugs, chin tense, but Hermione doesn’t know either of them well enough for much of an interpretation. “I’m not sure what it has to do with anything though,” Naruto says. 

Before they can start arguing Hermione steps back in. “I’m getting there,” she nods in Naruto’s direction. “So, something happens that stresses your systems. It can be a fight, or intensive exercise, or knowing you’re late to something, or having way too much that needs doing. Maybe adrenaline is released to help you out, but if it is, the effect lasts only for a couple of seconds. You also get another stress hormone, that a lot of people haven’t heard of because it’s not so obvious; cortisol. This works longer term, and also keeps the body in a state of fight-or-flight. All of this is normal, and happens when the body works as intended.”

Pausing to see if Naruto seems to follow earns Hermione a tilt of his head. Uncrossing his arms would allow him to take in information easier, but she won’t be the one to tell him that. “Now,” she continues, “if you’re stressed a lot, cortisol can build up in your body over time. You’re simply making more of it than you can get rid of. That’s where it starts being a problem. This is a little tricky, since it’s not only the obviously stressful things that stresses your body. There are a lot of things that triggers these systems.”

“Like?” Naruto cocks his head.

“Something bad might happen to you or someone you care about. You might have too much going on, or too little.” Hermione catches the furrow of Naruto’s eyebrows and the narrowing of Sakura’s eyes, and pauses for the question.

“Too little?”

“Yes,” Hermione confirms, “humans need a sense of purpose. You can also get stressed if you feel like you’ve got no say over your own life, or that you’re needing to meet some standard that you can’t quantify. Or you can be bullied, or lonely. Or anxious. There’s a lot of reasons, really, and they can also differ between individuals.

“The thing is, it can turn into a slippery slope. Because living with a lot of stress makes cortisol build up in your body. Which makes you more susceptible to stress, since the fight-or-flight system’s already active. Only, we’re not meant to be in that state for a long period of time. The system is designed for making us survive the next hour, and in the next hour our immune system doesn’t matter much. For an hour we don’t need our digestive system to work, and it’s okay that your blood pressure rises, and your muscles tense up. Neither of those things will hurt you in an hour. But what if that hour turns into a day, that turns into a week, that turns into months and maybe even years?”

“Wouldn’t you notice?” This time, it’s Sakura who asks. And really, it’s the million-dollar question, isn’t it?

Hermione can’t help the sigh that escapes her. “If you know what to look for, maybe,” she says, watching her fingers fiddle with the corner of her takeaway box. It’s still warm from the food. “But it’s hard, and even if you notice what would you do?” She looks up to meet Naruto’s eyes, then Sakura’s. Shrugs. Tries to keep her voice free of bitterness. “Maybe you’re really tired, and you go to your doctor, who tells you there’s nothing wrong and everyone’s tired. That it’s part of getting older or working full time or whatever. And you think that other people seem to have hobbies, they seem to do more than survive, but clearly there’s nothing wrong with you so you must simply be lazy. Or not motivated enough. So something is wrong, but nothing is wrong, and you function when you’re active. Stubbornness and adrenaline can keep you going for a long time. Making it trickier, because without knowing it, you’ve become dependent on the very hormones that’s wearing you down to start with.”

Even for Hermione, even with everything that happened, with all her friends in the same boat, and already being in therapy, it had taken time to realize what was going on. She hadn’t found Linda at that point, and her first therapist kept telling her how it was important to stick to a regular schedule. It never helps how depression and burn-out and anxiety all interlace with each other yet needs completely different treatments, but Hermione doesn’t know how to explain that. “Right before I crashed,” she says instead, “I liked getting into verbal disagreements, because anger gives a kind of energy. It made me feel alive. Not like a washed-out zombie.”

“Right before you crashed?” Naruto asks, and his arms has finally uncrossed.

“Yep,” Hermione says. She wants them to know this after all. Thinks it might help them trust that she knows what she’s talking about. “Finding out facts is how I process my own problems, meaning I’ve read a lot about toxic stress, burn-out, depression and anxiety.” She shrugs. Smiles. “Now I’m spreading the gospel.”

Sakura huffs. “And you made Kakashi-sensei sit still long enough to tell him any of this?” she asks, looking between them.

Hermione turns to Kakashi too, for the first time since she started her explanation. He looks composed, calm, like it’s just another day. Having spent time with Hermione’s family and friends, it’s not surprising, the way he slips into this state with other people around, but these are _his_ friends. Or students, but whatever. Is this how he is around everyone? That sure gives perspective on their initial struggles.

“I can’t say I made it easy.” Kakashi smiles. For the first time, Hermione laughs with the memory of that disastrous first doctor’s appointment and everything that followed fresh in her mind.

“You certainly didn’t,” Hermione tells him. “But I’m… tenacious,” her chosen adjective doesn’t earn her a poke in the arm, “and I think it worked out alright in the end.”

“Who knew a civilian would not only decide to knock some sense into me,” Kakashi says, “but that she’d actually succeed.”

“I’m great like that.” Hermione deadpans. It derails the whole conversation.

In the end it’s Sakura who brings them back on track; pointing out that the original question hasn’t been answered. If there was a question, Hermione can’t remember it, but she does know she never explained the actual damages done by too much stress. 

“You see,” she says, finding her way back to seriousness, “the thing with breaking your autonomic nervous system and getting dependant on increasing amount of stress hormones to keep going, is that you’re poisoning yourself. High levels of cortisol over an extended period of time actually causes brain damage. After I was diagnosed with burn-out, I spent months on the couch, hardly able to focus on watching tv. I had problems finding words. If I spent an afternoon with my friends, I’d sleep for days.

“If you realize what’s happening you can choose to stop and change your life, but if you ignore the signs and don’t, that decision will eventually be forced on you. Eventually, your body or your mind gives out. Some people forget things like where they live, or their own birthday. Some people can’t get out of bed for months, even to go to the bathroom. Some people have heart attacks. In therapy, I met a woman who hurt herself so bad she hasn’t been able to read a book, in fifteen years.”

Hermione’s looking at Kakashi now. She’s told him most of this, more than once, but clearly he needs to hear it again. Before he crashes worse than he already has. Before it gets to a point he can’t come back from.

“The good news is you can heal,” she says, turning back to Sakura and Naruto. “The parts of your brain that was damaged can grow back. Only, it takes time, because you need to reteach your nervous systems not to trigger these hormones, and you need to rest.”

It doesn’t surprise her that Kakashi decided he’d done enough resting over the months in Iceland. That doesn’t make it true. Hermione hasn’t heard of anyone getting well in less than a year. Sure, she hadn’t been stuck at home for that amount of time; she’d been able to work in some capacity for the larger part of her burn-out. But she’s still had to be mindful. It still hadn’t _healed_. Not really. It took two years before she dared think it was behind her. Before she managed to make it through a literal but unintended stress test without any real setbacks. Two years.

All of this is things Kakashi already knows. Hermione’s been nagging him about it enough, first this summer and then these last two days. Hopefully, if Sakura and Naruto take her side in this, there might be enough stubbornness between the three of them to get through. They may have to, because if there’s one thing Hermione learnt over the years it is to read her own stress levels, and this? Watching Kakashi determinately self-destruct when she’s not yet past the attack on her life and the possibility of new Death Eaters? It’s pushing her a little too close to the edge for comfort.

.oOo.

Kakashi listens, he does, but he can’t muster the attentiveness expected. Or the emotional response. Or rather; he can’t muster the energy to keep any emotional responses in check, so he avoids them altogether. Sits calmly instead as Hermione explains how he’s ran himself into the ground and is now failing to dig his way out. Is in fact digging himself deeper down as they speak.

He wonders what Sakura and Naruto is thinking. If they’ll trust him even with a broken body and a stress damaged mind.

Naruto’s upset, and wants to find a solution. Now. As if damage done over decades can be solved with a few transfers of kyūbi-empowered chakra and a healing session. At least Sakura knows enough about chakra theory and medical ninjutsu that it doesn’t fall on Kakashi to explain why it won’t work. Having her here turned out to be a good idea after all, if only because Kakashi doesn’t have to lecture Naruto on things he should already know. Kakashi’s not sure he could sound right around the tightness in his throat.

He _knows_ he’s overdoing it. Knows that pretending things are normal will only work for so long. That it’ll put him back to where he was this summer soon enough; not being able to get out of bed. He just doesn’t know how to stop.

It turns out Sakura’s been wondering why Kakashi doesn’t have any help with his administrative work. And sure, Tsunade had Shizune; but Tsunade also had responsibilities at the hospital, and an apprentice. Sarutobi always managed on his own. Minato as well. What’s Kakashi’s excuse?

Asking this out loud earns him a confused look from Naruto, a furrowed brow from Sakura, and a cocked head from Hermione. “Is that really necessary?” the latter questions.

Maybe it wouldn’t be, Kakashi thinks, if getting him a secretary is the only thing they’re planning, but they’ve already thrown around plenty of other ideas. They seem to want him to do the absolutely bare minimum, and he’d be upset about that if time to sleep didn’t sound so amazing. At least this way it’s not _his_ choice; he can tell himself they’re ganging up on him.

“Shikamaru’s a _Nara_ ,” Kakashi says after the slight pause, forcing his voice to be indifferent rather than weary, “and while they don’t gossip, Ino will know if he gets more responsibilities.”

Sakura groans. “She’ll grill me for hours,” she says, “and she’s a bloodhound when it comes to lies, I swear. This will be so much work for me.”

Tapping her cheek, Hermione looks from Sakura to Kakashi and back again. “Then don’t lie,” she says.

“What?” Naruto’s voice is loud and sharp. “Are you stupid? We can’t tell people the truth.”

Hermione’s smile takes on an edge. There’s a spark in her eyes, and Kakashi can guess what she’s about to say. He doesn’t interrupt her. She may be bad at outright lying, but she does know how to twist the truth. “Why not?” she says, her eyebrows twitching. “I’d say it’s the perfect thing to do.” She turns to Kakashi. “I mean, they already think it. Could we get away with playing to that?”

“It will paint a target on your back,” he tells her. She should know what she’s getting herself into.

“More than there already is?” Hermione’s still smiling, but she’s good at self-sacrifice. Not that Kakashi can call her out on it in current company.

“Maybe not,” he admits. The rest of this conversation will have to happen later. Turning to Sakura and Naruto, Kakashi cocks his head. He knows full well that Naruto has no idea what they’re saying, but still asks; “would you believe it?”

Sakura, of course, is more than capable of following the train of thought. “Everyone already believes it,” she says with a shrug. “So that won’t be a problem per se. As for you shirking your duties for it? It will probably fly as long as Hermione’s home when you are, and you behave accordingly in public.”

If Sakura thinks that, it’s probably true. She’s got her ear on the ground and is far better at reading people than Kakashi or Naruto. Especially normal people. Any misgivings Kakashi has for his own sake can be ignored. Because honestly; what’s the worst that can happen?

(They can decide he’s letting the village down, that he’s got no place here, that he’s a traitor for not doing his duties. They can cast him aside and lock him out and whisper behind his back. They can drive him away.)

(He can lose his home. But if he does, he’d know where to go, and who to go with. Hopefully that’d be enough to save him.)

Kakashi looks at Hermione. Ignores everything that’s about himself and wonders what she’s making of Sakura’s comment. If it worries her. They wouldn’t have to behave differently in public than they do in private. No one expects them to be making out in the streets. For them, it should be easier to sell a romantic relationship than a regular friendship, but Kakashi also knows it can still be complicated. For her most of all.

Before Kakashi can say anything however, Naruto explodes. “Seriously,” he waves his arms, “what the hell are you even talking about? You don’t have to talk in code, you know.” Kakashi isn’t sure whether to curse the interruption or be grateful for it.

“Like I said,” Hermione responds with a half shrug, “we don’t have to lie; not when the truth is Kakashi’s taking time off because I’m here.”

“He’s the Hokage,” Naruto points out, “he can’t exactly take time off to hang out with a friend.” Sometimes, Kakashi needs to remind himself that it’s actually very lucky Naruto’s not the most observant or analytical person; he’s overpowered enough as it is.

“Not even a girlfriend?” Hermione asks, eyes locked on Naruto and a posture that’s far from the innocence it’s mocking. “Who he hasn’t seen in months and who is only here for a limited time?”

“But you’re not a couple. You said so.” Kakashi wants to hit his head against the nearest hard surface. Just for a bit. Naruto himself had no trouble believing they were before Kakashi told him otherwise, and now he apparently sees no reason to question that truth either. “And you can’t lie so you’ll mess it up.” Naruto crosses his arms and glares at Hermione, and Kakashi finally begins to get what’s going on in what passes for his knucklehead student’s brain. He’s even got a valid point, but what he hasn’t got is the whole picture.

“I _can_ lie,” Hermione sounds halfway between wanting to hit Naruto and wanting to stick her tongue out. “I’m just really bad at making something up on the spot.”

“Yeah?” Naruto points at Hermione. “Prove it!”

Hermione turns to Kakashi for a second, and he takes it as a bid for approval. Kakashi smiles and turns his palm up, gesturing to her. If he’s lucky this can make this whole terrible ordeal worth it. Hermione turns back to Naruto, looking him dead in the eye. “We might have said we’re just friends,” she tells him, “but you know; I’ve been sleeping with Kakashi for a while now, and it’s amazing. Seriously, we can do it all night long, only to move on to the couch in the morning, and—”

“Okay!” Naruto covers his ears. “Stop before you give me nightmares.” Both his and Sakura’s faces has gone an interesting shade of red. If Kakashi had an inch less self-control he’d be on the floor laughing.

“Truth or lie?” Hermione asks.

“You can’t always say stuff like that to get out of it,” Naruto says, pursing his lips. Kakashi wouldn’t have thought Hermione would say something like that, at all, but apparently he was wrong.

“It’ll be fine, I think,” Kakashi says easily, pushing any concerns aside to deal with later, when he can make sure Hermione’s as okay with this as she seems.

Sakura rubs her ear. “Didn’t you say you were going to tell the truth?” she asks, and Kakashi thinks she’s trying to change topics.

Hermione shrugs, meeting Kakashi’s eyes. It’s his choice what to tell them, he gathers. The opportunity is too good to pass up. “She did,” he says, and the strain of holding his amusement down to only a smile is beginning to hurt his cheeks.

“But? What?” Naruto shakes his head. “You’re like friends with benefits?” Sakura opens her mouth, and Naruto must either catch that, or catch up with his own mouth. “You know what, don’t answer that,” he adds, “I don’t want to know.”

“Maa,” Kakashi says none the less, “Hermione does sleep with me, in my bed, every night. All night. Wearing pyjamas. Sometimes, we fall asleep on the couch, in front of the tv.”

Naruto sputters. Sakura digs the heels of her hands into her eyes and groans. “Seriously?” she says.

“Like a heart attack.” Hermione’s laughing out loud. “So, Kakashi’s got a girl friend over from abroad, who he happens to be sharing a bed with. The difference between that and a girlfriend he’s sharing a bed with is literally a space between two words, and spaces aren’t pronounced in regular speech. No lies needed unless you plan on writing it down.”

“When this whole thing ends up killing Ino, I’ll be blaming the two of you,” Sakura says. Her face is still blushed but Kakashi can tell she’s fighting a laugh.

“She might make Shikamaru kill himself first,” Naruto points out, “or at least cut of his ears. Then you’ll have pissed of two of the mayor clans, and maybe they make me Hokage. This can be great, you know!”

It’s not the kind of thing he can say out loud, but honestly, Kakashi feels that might not be the worst scenario here. Not that he dislikes Ino or Shikamaru, but neither of them are likely to actually perish, and if the consequence is he riles them up enough to lose his job it’s absolutely worth it. It’s not like he wants it anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any thoughts, feelings, or ideas for things you’d wish would happen, feel free to share them with me. I can use some inspiration. Apart from that I’m always happy to hear what you think about this chapter, both the good and the bad. Take care out there!


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